Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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