i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize