Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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