Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
