Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
