u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
