I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
