my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
