why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
