real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
