you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
