So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
