i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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