I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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