I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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