There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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