Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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