there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Semen is not good for contacts.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
