Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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