Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
