i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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