if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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