It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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