Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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