I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
