a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
