Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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