If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.