HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS