my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
