i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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