dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
