It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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