The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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