We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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