Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
