Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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