Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
