Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
