the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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