stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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