my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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