i think my tv is drunk
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
