then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
where are you?
Hypothermia
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
