Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
