i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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