I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
