So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
