you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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