Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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