Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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