You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
