Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize