She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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