So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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