Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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