I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
