She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
