So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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