ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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