I got chris browned last night
please come you make the beer taste better
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
