I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
